Do not litigate emotion. Do not fight for something worth less than the legal fees it will cost you. Ask yourself one question: can you afford justice? Most people cannot, and even if you can, there are no guarantees. Run away from anyone who guarantees you anything more than his or her best efforts on your behalf. Justice as most people imagine it to be, only exists in elementary school textbooks, and superhero cartoons. In real life, one person’s justice is another person’s injustice. In real life, if the right thing always happened, no one would ever need a lawyer, and there would not be any appellate courts.

A court can only rule within certain limitations on each issue. Understanding how the law by statute and case law will increase your possible gains and increase your possible losses, gives you the parameters to settle a case. For that which you want that the Courts would never grant to you, you trade it for something the other side wants. Every case has a beginning and every case must have an end. The sooner it ends, the sooner you heal and get your life back. The concept is to maximize your gains and minimize your losses, it is not about winning and loosing. Divorce is a loss from the beginning.

No divorce should take longer than six months to settle or get ready for trial. An extra month here or there is not a big deal, but in my opinion, there is no justifiable reason for a divorce to take years.

It is always best to get your divorce over with quickly, with the expensive, and without the emotional and psychological scars that can destroy who you are as a person and as parent. But it takes two to accomplish this, just as it took two to get married and to have children.

If you love your children, if you want them to grow up healthier and stronger, and you want to reduce the conflict between you and the other parent, buy & read, “Smart Parenting During and After Divorce” by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. It may even help to keep you out of court, or reduce legal fees if you end up in court anyway. This book is great if you were never married to the other parent, or even if you plan to stay married to him or her.

I believe most divorces occur because two people stopped doing together what they did together before they got married, to cause each other to want to get married. If you have not filed a divorce yet, and wonder if you tried everything to save your marriage: have you tried dating each other all over again, to attract each other, to charm each other, to impress each other, cuddling, holding hands, going out to dinner and dancing…