Is Your Child Truly the Most Important Part of Your Case?

Too many parents in court for divorce, custody, visitation, and or an order of protection claim their child(ren) is the most important thing about their case. But too often their actions or lack thereof say differently. Children are NOT to be pawns, whether intentional or not. They are NOT to be put in the middle. They are NOT to know the issues of the litigation. Your child is 50% you, and 50% the other parent. Thus, anything negative about the other parent your child(ren) is exposed to, is also negative about one half your child(ren). This scars your child. Deeply.

If you bad mouth the other parent to others, other than your closet relatives and personal friends, your lawyer and or your therapist in private, you risk it getting back to your child. In public, you never for sure who may hear it and repeat it. Other people gossip, and talk to others about your problems, even if you think they won’t. Not worth taking the risk no matter what. Anything you post on the internet, especially social media, even if set to private, friends only, is there forever, even if later deleted. You may think only your friends see it, but they talk. One or two of your alleged friends may also still be friends with the other parent and run and tell them and not think to shut up if the children are there. Eventually, it will get to back to your child(ren) that you said it.

Your child(ren) should love, honor and respect both parents, no matter what the other parent may have done to you. Whatever you may think the other parent is doing to the child(ren), unless charges are brought against that parent by CPS, is more in your mind and your opinion than actual harm. But your reaction to it, and speaking about it may end up being what scars your child(ren).

Are you involved in your child(ren)’s therapy? Do you contact the therapist regularly, even if you have to meet with him or her and pay for the session? No? Then you are all talk and no action, and do not care as much as you claim. Do you meet with your child(ren)’s teachers, guidance counselors, and others involved in your child(ren)’s life? No? Then you are all talk and no action, and do not care as much as you claim.

If your child asks questions about the divorce, tell your child(ren) to ask his or her attorney, or sit down with the other parent, a therapist and the child(ren). But do NOT discuss it at all with the child(ren) otherwise. The child(ren) has no right to know anything from you. It can only further scar the child(ren) and cause the court to be pissed at you and give the other parent’s attorney ammo against you. When in doubt, shut up!

I think you are getting the idea without my going on and on with all the many examples I see daily. If you love your chid(ren) and your child(ren) is the most important thing to you, your job is to protect your child from the litigation, not involve your child(ren) and to know what is going on in your child’s life by being pro active and not sitting back waiting to be informed.

NO go and prove your child(ren) is the most important part of your case and do the right thing!